Elder Abuse and How to Handle It

By Sanfrod R. Altman, Esq. Question:

One of my close friends confided in me that she suspects that a “trusted family member” with access to her bank account has been stealing from her. What can she do about this?

Answer:

This type of situation falls into the category of “elder abuse.” There are two general types of elder abuse: physical elder abuse and financial elder abuse. Shocking as it may seem, both are more common than we would like to admit. Fortunately, there are steps which can be taken towards prevention as well as stopping abuse which is already occurring.
Before getting into specifics, the most important message that I can pass on to you about elder abuse is that the victims rarely report it. This is because the perpetrator is almost always a close friend or relative. No one wants to admit that their son or daughter is abusing them. In fact, the denial is often so strong that they don’t even realize they are being abused. One of the goals of today’s column is to raise awareness so that appropriate action may be taken.

Physical elder abuse is the more obvious of the two. The source is often the caretaker of the older person - a child, close friend, or even a paid home aide. It may start with something like harsh or disrespectful words when you do not do what they want and then escalates to yelling, shaking, and finally, striking. Other types of physical elder abuse are restraining or withholding food or even medical care.
If any of the above or similar forms of physical abuse is happening to you or someone that you know, please remember two things. First, there is no excuse for a relative, friend, or anyone else to treat another person in this manner. Second, what they are doing may well be a criminal offense. Police Departments and District Attorney’s Offices are becoming more and more responsive to elder abuse. One should be neither embarrassed nor afraid to call. If calling the police seems too extreme, we have another valuable resource, Adult Protective Services (APS). APS is part of the County’s Department of Social Services. They will investigate your circumstances and, even if the abuse does not rise to the level of being an actual crime, will take whatever action necessary to improve your situation. Phone numbers for APS are: Orange County (845) 291-2800; Sullivan County (845) 292-0100, ext. 2780; Ulster County (845) 334-5125.

Both the Police Department and Adult Protective Services also handle the second type of elder abuse - financial elder abuse. I am hearing more and more reports of this type of abuse from my clients or their family members. Financial abuse takes many forms, from stealing from your account, as in the question which inspired this column, to excessive borrowing without repayment, to misuse of your credit cards. One that has actually come up several times in my law practice is where a child takes money from the parent to build an addition onto the child’s house for the parent to live in. After the money is spent on the child’s home improvement, the parent is no longer wanted.
I recently heard from a new client’s nephew that a young woman had befriended his uncle and convinced him to lend her money “for her hungry children.” At one point he was “lending” her up to $500.00 per week. He also gave her the keys to his house and, when he was hospitalized, she went in with her sister, who stole blank checks and forged his signature. Even after the check theft had been discovered and remedied, the young woman had no qualms about calling the client and asking for more help.

For some reason, many people view the elderly as nothing more than easy prey. We must show them that they are wrong. There are some ways to prevent yourself from becoming the victim of financial elder abuse:

1. If you have given anyone else access to your accounts, review the statements every month and make sure that they know that you will be doing it.

2. If anyone else has the use of your credit card, make sure that it is one with a relatively low limit. Again, check your statements every month.

3. If you are lending someone money, even if it is your child, have them sign a promissory note. This may be difficult to ask for, but it will serve you well later. Failure to repay (generally followed by anger or estrangement) is the most frequent complaint I hear from my clients about their children. A simple dated paper with a promise to repay a certain amount by a certain date and signed by the borrower generally will suffice. If a large amount is involved, it may do well to consult an attorney.

4. If you are bringing a stranger into your house as a caretaker, get personal references and check them.

5. If you are making any arrangements with your children or anyone else where you are giving them money, signing over a deed, or giving anything else of value in return for a place to live (or any variations of such plans), get it in writing. This is the type of agreement which you would be well advised to have prepared by an attorney.

6. Never, never, never co-sign a loan, even for your children, unless you are fully prepared to pay it back by yourself if they default. A lender is not required to seek payment from the primary borrower first. They will go directly after you if you are easier to collect from.
Hopefully, the above suggestions will help protect you from financial abuse. Don’t be afraid to use them. If you find that you have already been the victim of financial abuse, do not hesitate to report it to the police or APS. If they tell you that this is a “civil matter” and suggest that you seek the help of an attorney, follow this suggestion. Whether before or after, taking action is the key to stopping elder abuse.

Sanford R. Altman is an Elder Law Attorney with a firm in Orange, Dutchess and Sullivan Counties, a member attorney of the AARP Legal Services Network and frequently writes on Elder Law issues for local publications. He may be reached at the following number (845) 778-2121 or sra@jacobowitz.com. Please note that while this column is intended to give general legal information, everyone's circumstances differ. This column is not a substitute for obtaining legal advice directly from an attorney which will address your particular circumstances.